robbed..

today should have been the first day of my maternity leave.. thats making the assumption that i delivered Matilda on her due date.. 13th December 2009...

i should have been running around organising nappies and tidying her room, washing all her little clothes so they were soft and fluffy and ready for her.. i should have been doing so many things..

i feel robbed..

robbed of the experience of being a mother to a living baby.. robbed of the experience of sharing the joy with my beau... robbed of spending christmas cooing in amazement... robbed of the opportunity to ever have a carefree happy stressless pregnancy ever again...

my baby was robbed... robbed of the life she would have had with her dad and i doting on her..

finding it hard not to be angry at the moment.. its not in the spirit of xmas i know, but right now i couldn't care less...