bubby...

Hi Baby,

I miss you.. but you know that..

I'm feeling generally poxy... reasons include:

• Today should have been another Tilly's birthday - instead she too had to leave her mum and dad and i hope is with you!
• I heard this story repeatedly on the radio this afternoon.. a lady was being interviewed and her baby was born with deformed hands.. and the announcers kept saying "every mothers nightmare" or something like that.. i tell you what, thats a nightmare i would have liked to have had.. i want to contact them and tell them that that is not everymothers nightmare.. i know they werent saying that to offend anyone but by the same token i wish they realised that there are mummys out there who dont have any hands at all... deformed or otherwise
• if you were still here you would officially be less than four weeks away.. i can imagine how i would have felt.. i can imagine how dad would be running around organising your room and packing my hospital bag neatly (not like i would! hehe) but no.. instead i sit here on the couch with gus next to me and dad away for work.. crying and remembering that in 4 minutes it will have been 15 weeks since you were born..

Sorry to be a downer tonight bubby but i miss you soo very much and i want you back more than anything... im sick of everyone saying what do you want for your birthday or xmas.. i want you.. i want to be able to say "i want my matilda back" and i want the people asking to say "sure no problem" and turn up with you in their arms but i know thats not going to happen..

anyway baby im going to try and be more positive this coming week - its going to be tough...

you are always in my thoughts..

i wish i could give you a snuggle...

:(