What has helped you through out this new life the most. Is it your family? your faith? Support groups? A ritual? Music? Physical activity? A new interest? It could be anything. Tell us about how whatever it is has helped you. Please feel free to share photo's,videos, websites, support group information and so on.
For me coming back to work has been a saving grace.. even though some days are harder than others, I feel like I am doing something productive here.. it also gives me a distraction from dwelling on what’s now missing in our lives..
I did get to spend some time with matilda, but no amount of time would ever have been enough. I was lucky enough to get some photos and hand and foot prints from the hospital.. I was able to get a pendant made using the prints I had and this is now one of my treasured possessions.
Im trying to do everything that I would have done for matilda should she have lived.. I know that I would have been a paparazzi mother.. so I have a photo of my girl on the dresser – just as I would have if she was still with us. I also got a name in the sand done by Carly and have had it put onto canvas.. it’s a bit bigger than I thought it was going to be but I’ve got it on my bedside table! I bought a beautiful birth certificate holder to put her birth certificate in. I have also bought her a lovely trinket box in which I will put her ashes.. it’s the kind of thing I would have bought for her first lock of hair or tooth..
I have also been making tiny beanies for other babies born sleeping… I know how I felt knowing that matilda would be clothed.. unfortunately everything she wore was mismatched… and yellow or white.. so I’ve been knitting pink, white and blue beanies and will be sending them to the perinatal loss service at the hospital.. it helps me to know that other people who ever have to go through the same will know that they aren’t alone and that they will feel the way I did when I saw matilda clothed…
I created a blog – which I use periodically and I post on an online forum regularly.. this has helped a great deal.. my partner is very understanding.. but at the end of the day men and women grieve in different ways.. I like to talk about it and I know he prefers not to talk about as much as I would.. so having an online forum in which to say what I need to get off my chest has been a source of great comfort..
Also this blog which I just discovered.. just typing these words has made me feel better.. knowing that there are other families out there who unfortunately are going through the same thing.. its also given me the courage to put one of my precious few photos online.. knowing that the people who may see it will see her through understanding eyes…
Finally the decision to have another baby has also helped us.. I have a blood condition which caused my baby’s death.. her death however resulted in me being transferred to a specialist who deals with women in my situation on a daily basis.. this gives us hope that when we try to have another baby, things may be different..
