ho bloody ho

That pretty much sums up how i'm feeling this christmas..

1. there are NO presents for matilda under the tree.. this disgusts me.. this should have been her christmas..

2. i am sick of weeing on a stick - admited that we have officially only been trying to have another baby for three months and i know there are alot of people who have been trying for alot longer than that..

3. a girl i work in very close proximity to at work is about to go off on maternity leave and i'm sick of everyone who comes in going on about it - so i spend my days with my ipod turned up as loud as possible in an effort to drown out any baby talk - again i realise that this is not good behaviour but this blog is one of a few places i can vent so please forgive me..

4. im not feeling in the spirit this christmas... generally christmas and my birthday are two of the happiest days of my year.. but this year both have been lacking in festive merriment and spirit!

on the up side i have just bought a diary for 2010 and i am keenly writing everyone's birthdays in it and hoping that the start of a new decade will bring us good things.. while i would like to write off 2009 as the worst year of my life - it is one i will never forget and somehow i feel thankful that i had a chance to meet my Matilda in 2009.

i hope that all the baby loss mama's across the world have a good christmas.. i will be thinking about you all and your wonderful little angels.

finally thank you for making making my journey into the baby loss wilderness a easier one to travel.. i dont often leave comments but i do very often follow your journeys.. xx

see you next decade!