Cruise Control

This is one of the loves of my life..... isnt he magnificent? My pride and joy for five years.. the first car i ever bought - brand new too.. the car i always wanted when i was a kid (my barbie had a pink jeep)

Then early 2009 we decided I should bite the bullet and get a family car.. a 2 door jeep with no room for a pram just wasn't going to be practical.. after much hesitation and the fear of letting my jeep go i got one of these...

i like it.. but i dont love it... i wonder some days if i might love it if i had my squealing little baby in the back?

saying that though.. this car has gotten me through the past six months and im not sure how i would have done the same in the jeep.. you see this car has cruise control.. you just set the speed limit and steer paying some attention but you can get away with not paying as much attention.. from the day i had to drive myself home from the OB appointment where our world fell apart to very recently.. i have come to rely on cruise control.. i find my car the only place i can feel how i want to feel.. my brain moves through the thoughts it wants to (and most of the time they are about matilda) and my concentration span is expanded by the fact im not paying attention to the speed limit.. the car does that - i think about the fact that i literally cant remember physically driving the car to and from work and it scares me..

when i got to thinking about this the other day - i actually shuddered at the thought of how dangerous this is... so i have decided that i will no longer use cruise control.. i have had a few slips and find myself turing it on intuitively but i correct my self right away and turn it off...

some days i feel like my entire life is in cruise control and i am not really sure how to stop that.. i go on, the world goes on.. i am not in control... if only i could find the switch!